October 2007
Flatulina Loses Custody of her Monkey
The result of an ugly custody battle for Flatulina's monkey "Squeaker" has turned sour this month, as Flatulina was forced to hand over her little fuzzy friend to Kevin Federline. Concern over Flatulina's emotional state was laid to rest when she was seen partying at the Dairy Queen within 12 minutes of the hand over. Way to bounce back, Flatulina!

September 2007
Flatulina Cracked the iPhone!
Recent reports have come out that Greg Hotz, a 17-year-old New Jersey resident, working in collaboration with four Russians, used some software and soldering skills to crack the iPhone network locking code. Though this may be true, Flatulina is claiming to have cracked her iPhone long before these little smarties. "I was in the kitchen, where I've got this really hard Mexican ceramic tile samples sitting on my linoleum, and as I was squeezing the oil from a can of tuna, I was talking to my psychic on my iPhone, and it slipped. I heard this cracking sound and I looked down, and there was my iPhone which had landed on that ceramic tile, and this little hairline fracture across the front. I don't see why that kid and those Russians are bragging about it in the news, it was really not hard," says Flatulina nonchalantly. "Incidentally, I also don't see what the big deal is with these iPhones. I mean, I just took my iPod, and my cell phone and duct taped them together back to back, and voila, I've got an iPhone. I mean, it's like almost exactly the same thing, except for it's cheaper AND less expensive." Bravo, clever one. Bravo.

August 2007
Flatulina Apologizes to the Paparazzi
In response to a recent, very public spectacle, Flatulina has released the following statement through her newly hired 17 year old publicist. " I apologize to the pap for a stunt that was done 4 months ago regarding an umbrella. I was preparing my character for a role in a movie where the husband never plays his part so they switch places accidentally. I take all my roles very seriously and got a little carried away. Unfortunately I didn't get the part. " When questioned about the originality of this statement, Flatulina's publicist has claimed that these are indeed Flatulina's own words, even though they are verbatim what pop artist Britney Spears has posted on the front page of her site. "The fact that Flatulina was looking at Britney Spears' website when she said it is irrelevant. The fact that Flatulina has had no recent encounters with the paparazzi is irrelevent. The fact that the public spectacle to which this is a response, did NOT involve Flatulina is irrelevant. If Flatulina wants to apologize, then she is entitled to do so. End of statement." And so it goes.

June 2007
Flatulina Cancels Tour, Fires Manager, Fires Publicist, Fires Assistant, Fires Everyone
Flatulina has canceled her much anticipated 2007 Feel the Heat Again, For the Fourth Time Tour and fired all of the people around her. "She works really hard, and when the people around her are not doing their jobs, it makes her very aggitated. It's hard for her to find people that can handle the... environment that Flatulina's medical condition can create at times... especially when there isn't adequate ventilation, like in an elevator," states Ethel Rosenbaum, Flatulina's 89 year old neighbor. Reports indicate that after canceling her tour, Flatulina systematically had her assistant fire her manager, publicist, manicurist, fish trainer, monkey sitter, waxer, hairstylist, make-up artist, photographer, all the way down to her mailman. Then she fired the assistant who had fired everyone. "It worked out pretty good for me though," says Ethel," I always wanted to get into show business and now she's hired me to be her new manager." We will keep an eye on new developments.

December 2006
Voice lessons for singing fish!?
As Flatulina is about to hit the road again with her singing fish for the "Feel the Heat: Third Time's a Charm" tour, she has employed the services of World Famous Darci Monet as a voice instructor, both for her fish choir, and for herself. "I think the one who's most excited about this, other than World Famous Darci Monet, is my fish, Little Lenny Kravitz," Flatulina told a recent reporter for the Scranton Junior High Gazette, "He's been an admirer of her's for years... well not her specifically, but people who do what she does... which is to tell other people everything they're doing wrong so that they can sing good." When asked why she chose World Famous Darci Monet out of all the voice teachers out there, Flatulina stated, "My reasons for choosing World Famous Darci Monet are simple. First of all, she's willing to get into a wet suit and go underwater to give voice lessons to my fish. Secondly, she has no sense of smell, which is a wonderful quality to have in people with whom I work... Plus her uncle has a time share in Destin."
One of our inside sources recently caught up with World Famous Darci Monet outside of an all night laundry mat walking to her illegally parked orange Gremlin. When asked how she felt about going on the road with Flatulina and her fish, she said "whatever pays the bills, dude" before emptying her can of pepper spray.
For anyone who would like to know more about studying with World Famous Darci Monet when she is not on the road with the "Feel the Heat: Third Time's a Charm" tour, GO TO WORLD FAMOUS DARCI MONET ON MYSPACE.

November 2006
FEDERLINA OR FLATCHERLINE?
Was Flatulina almost hitched with Kevin Federline? Inside sources have recently revealed that once upon a time, Kevin Federline [ aka: Mr. Britney Spears] tried to audition to be a dancer on Flatulina's "Feel the Heat" tour, even though Flatulina had no desire to take dancers on the road. Federline would often wait outside of Flatulina's efficiency apartment in Scranton, PA with his CD player and a cardboard box just waiting for a chance to dance for Flatulina. One witness reports that Flatulina would often walk past with a magazine in front of her face, trying to get by without being seen, yet one incident resulted in The Fabulous One having enough. "Go away! You're scaring my monkey!" she screamed in front of a crowd of passersby, at which point Federline rushed to Flatulina and dropped to one knee proclaiming "Don't you get it, girl? I juss wanna get wichu." Apparently Flatulina replied with "Eeew! You have a booger in your nose!" Following this, Federline walked away shouting "Oh yeah? Well you fart too much!" to which Flatulina called out "Why don't you go audition for Britney!? She has bad grammar too, you should get along great!" And so he did, and the rest is history. Ah, what might have been, Federlina. What might have been...

September 2006
Flatulina's new cosmetics line... for monkeys!
The Fabulous One has been meeting with cosmetics developers at Wet'N'Wild to develop a new line of make-up for the simian population called "Monkey See Monkey Love". The first items to hit the market will be monkey lip gloss, monkey mascara, and monkey wrinkle cream, but the products will not be limited for use on a monkey's face. " I'm doing for monkeys what J-Lo did for Junior High girls. If a monkey can paint a picture, it can put on make-up," Flatulina said adorned in her trademark feathers, and tiara at her recent press conference. "Although all of my Monkey See Monkey Love items will be gentle enough for use on any monkey face, I would encourage some monkeys to consider using these fabulous products on their butts as well. I mean, we all agree that nothing could use make-up quite like a monkey butt." And so once again, Flatulina speaks for us all.

July 2006
Flatulina Blames it on the Dog
Flatulina is being featured in the newly released book "Blame it on the Dog: A Modern History of the Fart" by Jim Dawson. Jim previously authored the hugely popular book "Who Cut the Cheese", and decided to follow that up with this sequel. Fans of Flatulina will enjoy a whole chapter about The Fabulous One. Check it out!

June 2006
Charlie Sheen, David Spade, Heather Locklear, Flatulina...
The media has been talking about the split between Richie & Heather, and Charlie & Denise. Now Denise Richards is dating Richie Sambora, and Heather Locklear is with David Spade. So who does that leave for poor Charlie Sheen? Flatulina, that's who! Yes, the tabloids have yet to exploit the fling between Charlie and Flatulina, but our sources have personally witnessed evidence of Flatulina and Charlie coupling. Just recently they were both spotted at "The Ivy" in Hollywood. Sandrine Gustafson of Celebritation Magazine gave the following testimony, "We saw Flatulina and Charlie both arrive at the restaurant, they weren't together, and they didn't sit at the same table... we never actually saw them make eye contact... but when Flatulina walked past Charlie's table, he turned his head and had a peculiar look on his face. A look that said... I know that smell... and I am in love.," Flatulina denies the rumors.

April 2006
Flatulina takes it in the rear...
Flatulina was recently rear ended by an over eager paparazzi who was so busy with his camera he didn't hit the brakes soon enough. Following the impact, Flatulina immediately got out of the car, walked back to the paparazzi and insisted that he turn over his film. Witnesses report hearing Flatulina yell "You have no right to invade my privacy! Can't you just leave me alone!?" She was later seen running into the local Dairy Queen to use the rest room and purchased an oreo blizzard on her way out. The paparazzi claimed he didn't know it was Flatulina that he had rear ended. "Who was that gassy lady!?" he asked, "She got in the way of my shot of Brangelina!" After finishing her blizzard, Flatulina was cool as a cucumber and got right back in her brown Probe and went on her way.

February 2006
Flatulina sends her love to Ryan Seacrest
Flatulina made a public declaration of her affections recently for the American Idol host and entertainment mogul Ryan Seacrest. "In honor of Valentine's Day I want to wear my heart on my sleeve so to speak, so Ryan, if you're listening, I love you!" Of course we had to ask Flatulina's speech writer for the written copy of her statement, as it was audibly unintelligible due to the frequent and loud rapid fired flatulence drowning out her lyrical voice. "When Flatulina is passionate about something, it comes out in all directions," said Jemima, her current body guard. There is no evidence that anyone in Mr. Seacrest's camp is aware of this public address, Flatulina's feelings for Mr. Seacrest, or even Flatulina's identity for that matter. But still The Fabulous One says she will stay true to her affections for him, as is evident by the Ryan Seacrest tile mosaic she has installed on the shower wall of her studio apartment in Scranton.

December 2005
Flatulina dissed by Salvation Army
Flatulina was relieved of her charitable duties recently in a humiliating encounter outside of the Piggly Wiggly store in downtown Pulaski, TN. "Flatulina was ringing the bell with the little collection bucket for the Salvation Army but no one wanted to go near her to put money in the pot, so they sent her home," said one store clerk who wishes to remain anonymous. Witnesses report that a scuffle occured as the Salvation Army representative ended up wrestling the little bell out of Flatulina's hand as they rolled on the ground in the muddy slush of a rare Tennessee snow shower. "When you have someone of Flatulina's fame, you get this type of thing all of the time," says Flatulina's publicist. "People are so in awe of her beauty and larger than life presence, they are often afraid to approach or even acknowledge her. It's unfortunate that Flatulina's immensely generous spirit was wasted this Christmas season." One little girl reports that Flatulina got up, dusted herself off, tossed her hair, and yelled "see if I ever donate body glitter to you people again!" as she trotted over to her motor scooter and drove away.

October 2005
Flatulina is MARRIED! Or at least she was...
Flatulina set a record for short celebrity marriages recently when she married an old teenage love interest on a trip to Dollywood. Daniel Dan, son of legendary Steely Dan, became Flatulina's first legal husband by hiring a justice of the peace to accompany them on the "piggy parade" ride at Dollywood. They took their vows and sealed it off with a kiss. According to themepark officials, they chose the piggy parade ride because it was one of the few rides for which Daniel Dan could meet the height requirement. Throngs of fans who witnessed the event were shocked, however, when before the end of the ride, Daniel Dan was unable to refrain from vomiting on Flatulina's pink velour "wedding sweats", setting off a very public tirade from The Fabulous One. She immediately got off the ride and filed for an annulment at the Dollywood courthouse just 16 minutes after saying "I do". Flatulina released this statement through her publicist. "The only reason I married him was because I had too many Pop Rocks Candies and diet Faygo Redpops in the limo. It all went right to my head." When asked his thoughts, a forlorn Daniel Dan made this statement "I don't think I can get no alimony on account a we didn't never consommé the marriage." Once again, we must say, in the end The Fabulous One made a wise choice.

September 2005
Flatulina to adopt!
Flatulina Boutier has taken her philanthropic work home with her this month as she has set in motion legal measures to adopt one child from each content in the world. "I believe children are treasures," said Flatulina in a recent interview with the Boise Electric Company Employee Gazette, "and I want to have my very own worldwide assortment of treasures in my collection... plus I'm getting bored with my monkey." When asked how having so many children will work with her fast paced life as a celebrity, The Fabulous One just shrugged it off saying "They will all be famous too, so I'm sure they'll need as much time to work on their career as I will on mine."

August 2005
Flatulina's performance helps stop hunger!
Flatulina was honored to take part in the Live 8 concert which took place in Sherpastan, along side such legendary talents as O Town, Vanilla Ice, and William Hung. "All of the acts were spectacular, but Flatulina was the only one who truly helped. After her performance, many of the starving people said they had absolutely no appetite for food," said Madge McDougal, coordinator of the Sherpastan event. Following her show, Flatulina was whisked away on camel past hundreds of fans who had lined up to meet her, to see the Sultan who had a special open air banquet in her honor. A riot nearly broke out after the camel got agitated by the constant flatulence, and spat upon the majority of the crowd. In order to show her sincere regret for the suffering of the people, Flatulina made a generous donation of one set of Lee Press on Nails and 50 cases of body glitter to a local Sherpastan orphanage.

July 2005
Flatulina breaks off engagement to Flatulina Lastit!
Flatulina Boutier has reportedly split from fiancé Flatulina Lastit- because he didn't tell his parents they were getting married or even dating or acquainted with one another, or that he even liked girls. Sources claim the sassy, classy, and gassy socialite was left fuming when she threw a lavish party complete with matching seasonal napkins and paper plates several weeks ago to celebrate their upcoming nuptials - only to discover her olfactory impaired beau hadn't told his wealthy Greek parents about their engagement, or that they were even going to meet Flatulina. "Flatulina Lastit's parents believed they were on the way to a co-ed botox party, not Flatulina's apartment," a source told Benedict Arnold Junior High newspaper: "It was like a bad scene out of 'Meet The Parents'. You know where Ben Stiller blames the fire on Owen Wilson for using too much varnish... only it wasn't Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson, and there was no fire... and the only one who could "Talk Thai" was Flatulina's monkey."

June 2005
Flatulina engaged to Flatulina!
Flatulina Boutier has gotten engaged to her Greek beau, Flatulina Lastit. “I’m so in love and grateful to have found such an honest and loyal person who has no sense of smell,” Flatulina Boutier told Scuba Diva Weekly. “I feel like we were meant to be, and I’m happy to have found someone to spend the rest of my life with... or at least a few months.” The magazine quoted Lastit as calling Boutier “the most effervescent woman I’ve ever met. I feel like I'm always surrounded by her dense aura, and it warms me.” The couple, who have been dating for about eight weeks, marked the engagement with a pig roast for 275 friends and family at her Scranton, OH studio apartment.

May 2005
Flatulina denies engagement stories...
Flatulina Boutier has slammed reports she is engaged to new Greek beau Flatulina Lastit after an alleged Valentine's Day proposal. Modern Diva magazine claimed the gortex magnate hid a jewel-encrusted engagement ring in a deep friend Twinkie before asking for The Fabulous One's hand in marriage in a Bucksnort, TN restaurant. However, Flatulina's publicist Jean Gregory dismisses the report. She says, "Flatulina is not engaged to Flatulina Lastit. When Flatulina gets engaged, she's going to want everyone to know, trust me."

February 2005
Puppies for Peace brings change to the Middle East!
Flatulina's efforts toward world peace are showing results this week as Palestinian Authority President Mahmoud Abbas and Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon recently announced the start of new peace moves in the Middle East. When notified of this remarkable course of events, Flatulina released the following statement through her publicist: "Puppies for Peace originated from my belief that it is my duty to use my fame, money, and beauty for the good of the world. After my extensive ambassador work, I learned that much of the problem with world politics today are the result of national leaders who are not only greedy and power hungry, but just plain grumpy and mean. It has always been my belief that if these men would simply play with a puppy for a half an hour every day, they would be much nicer. So, I have been spearheading the "Puppies for Peace" campaign. "Puppies for Peace" is now an international organization which is working toward placing a "puppy secretary" in the capitol of every nation. This Puppy Secretary has a daily appointment with the top government officials to deliver and supervise their puppy time every day. We believe that once these leaders have had a regular puppy time every day, they will feel happy, and be nice. The only exception to this policy will be in Korea where we are concerned that they might eat the puppy every day instead. That would be tragic. " Puppy Secretaries have been actively working with Abbas and Sharon for approximately 4 months, and The Fabulous One is reportedly celebrating these tangible results by giving tiaras and feather boas to all of the leaders involved in this summit.

January 2005
Flatulina's number one fan? already!?
The Fabulous One is choosing her #1 fan as she takes a much needed hiatus after her grueling tour. "She usually feels very depleted after so many live performances" says her personal assistant. Flatulina is vacationing in Phaic Tan and reviewing the thousands of video submissions already received for the "Who is Flatulina's #1 Fan?" Contest. [And when we say Flatulina is reviewing them, we mean her assistant is watching them, giving them a point score, discussing it with Flatulina's manager, body guard, A&R rep, publicist, masseuse, homeopathist, and fish trainer, and waiting for Flatulina to ask her about it.] When asked why she was beginning this process so early, Flatulina released this statement through her publicist. "Although the deadline is a long way off, the P.O. Box was getting quite full and I was expecting my next shipment of body glitter and press on nails..." Official entry deadline is 7/11/05. More details are in the fanclub area of this site. [Flatulina's Secret Wonderland.]

November 2004
Flatulina's "Feel the Heat" Tour, Part 2 eclipses Part 1
Ticket sales for the reprise of Flatulina's "Feel the Heat" tour are setting records! Primarily concentrating on touring the main venues along the coast of Molvania, the locals have never seen such a celebrity give them so much favor. Lining up for hours before the concert, the faithful fans endured unfavorable weather just to get a glimpse of The Fabulous One as she rode past in the nation's one limo. After her sold out show, more fans lined the streets to watch her leave as they shouted "Krokystrokiskiaskya!" over and over. This rare salutation roughly translates to "see you again soon" which is not often the reality for this humble culture. When one such fan was asked if the people minded the smell of Flatulina's live performances, he responded with a phrase which literally translates to "Do not the Molvanians not love the cheese on which goats have not tread?" And that is just one example of how Flatulina has touched yet another culture with her fabulosity.

October 2004
Flatulina accused of "booty synching"
A recent live TV performance during The Fabulous One's time in Molvania resulted in a technical glitch causing extreme embarrassment to Flatulina. While awaiting her cue on stage, Flatulina was away from her booty mic, and yet the audience clearly heard Flatulina's flatulent melody of a previous song over the music of the next song in the show. Flatulina threw her trademark Japanese fan down on the ground, flung the tiara from her head at the sound man, and then ran out of the backstage door into her awaiting limo leaving the audience and concert organizers speechless and in shock. Flatulina's publicist made a statement to the press which said "Flatulina admits that she was relying on a synched flatulence track, which is the first time she's ever done it, and she will never do it again. She has always prided herself on being authentic, but during her time in Molvania, she found that she simply wasn't as gassy as usual, and needed some recorded assistance. She deeply regrets any grief she may have caused her fans and management company, and the staff of Fabulation Records, and expresses her most sincere apology." Flatulina later posted on her LiveJournal her thoughts. "You and I know that even if I booty synched on it or not, I'd still get seen by dozens of Molvanians, maybe even make a few more fans. I'll hold my head high and say I think it was silly of me to do it, silly of me to blame the Gas-X, I was just so... out of gas. But I don't think it did me much harm, and people will see that soon."

September 2004
Early end to Flatulina's Broadway contract
Producers of the Broadway cast of Chicago have given Flatulina an early end to her contract as Veronica Kelly, murdered sister of Velma Kelly. "Our decision is purely financial at this point, we are not capable of keeping a star of Flatulina's caliber on cast for too long at the pay rate she demands," says one of the show's producers. "Ms. Boutier has done a stellar job in this challenging role, and we have grown to love her very much. Her warmth has permeated this place, and things will be very different when she's gone." But many are doubtful of this official explanation as rumors have circulated about ill feelings among the rest of the cast toward The Fabulous One. "This theater is an old building. We do not have the type of modern ventilation required to keep everyone happy while working in such close quarters with someone of Flatulina's... gassiness," states Morty Grubb, janitor for the historical theater. Flatulina's dismissal will likely prompt an earlier beginning to Flatulina's "Feel the Heat Part 2" Tour.

July 2004
Here comes the judge!
The Fabulous One is slated to be one of the top ranking judges for the Positive Pop Song Contest, the contest said to be "promoting music with a positive impact..." "We believe that Flatulina is such a true example of using her unique traits to have a positive impact on her audience, and we are thrilled to have a celebrity of her magnitude as a member of our judges panel," says Jean Gregory, publicist for the contest. The contest deadline is 7/31/05, and winners will be announced Fall of 2005. [www.positivepopsongcontest.com]

June 2004
Love is in the air... and more...
Flatulina has reportedly been seen keeping company with a new friend she is working with on Broadway. George Spelvin has done extensive work on stage and screen for decades. Could he be the next love in Flatulina's life? [after her little fish of course!]

May 2004
Flatulina débuts on BROADWAY!
The Fabulous One has officially begun her performances as Veronica Kelly in the Broadway cast of the hit musical "Chicago". Flatulina reports that the rest of the cast have been more than kind, as she is the only one to have a private dressing room. "They always have dozens of scented candles lit in my room when I get there... I guess they just really want me to be relaxed," she says.

April 2004
Flatulina resides in Molvania!
An impromptu decision at the tale end of Flatulina's "Feel the Heat" tour resulted in The Fabulous One making one last detour to the little known country of Molvania. Known as "the land untouched by modern dentistry" and "where old world meets concrete", Flatulina claims that the Molvanian culture has a welcoming quality to it, "much like finding an old pair of gym shoes in the bottom of your closet from 8th grade gym class, and finding out they still fit." Flatulina purchased a small vacation cottage and plans to stay in Molvania as her busy schedule permits. More details in Flatulina's LiveJournal.

March 2004
Wilted spirits, wilted roses...
On what was to be a friendly social outing, recently Flatulina was not permitted to visit her hospitalized assistant who was recovering from exhaustion. Officials report that the denial was due to air quality standards and flammability concerns with special Zamibian hospital equipment. This not only left The Fabulous One very disappointed as all of the other crew from the Feel the Heat tour were allowed entry, but left her vulnerable out in public without her regular entourage and body guard. Flatulina spent most of her solitude waiting outside of the hospital in the limo, but further complications developed as officials claim she slowly strolled through the hospital's garden to smell the roses, causing slight damage and wilting to their delicate blooms. Attorneys for both sides are attempting to settle this dispute amicably and out of court. The hospital grounds keeper happily reported that although temporary wilting did occur, Flatulina naturally fumigated a 3 acre radius, thus eradicating a previously severe aphid infestation among the roses.

February 2004
Flatulina cast as Veronica Kelly in Broadway's "Chicago"
After conquering the big screen in "Waiting for Guffman" and "Rochelle Rochelle", and the small screen as Maris Crane on NBC's "Frazier", Flatulina will soon be taking on a role for live stage as Veronica Kelly [sister of lead character Velma Kelly] in the Broadway cast of "Chicago". Negotiations are underway for a late Spring premier of The Fabulous One in the demanding and dramatic role of Veronica Kelly. "Playing a murder victim will be a very new and challenging experience, and I'm eagerly anticipating it," said Flatulina in a joint press conference with the show's producers announcing the decision.

January 2004
Flatchapalooza...
International fans of The Fabulous One will be thrilled to know that additional tour dates have been scheduled. Flatulina left Antarctica early this month to perform in Lesbia for several weeks. Following that, she will travel to Zamibia, world's largest exporter of fried eggs, for Flatchapalooza, an annual festival in honor of Flatulina where the locals parade about the streets in feathers and glitter. Coincidentally, Flatchapalooza always lands on the weekend following the Zamibian National Bean, Beef, and Fried Egg Binge Week.

December 2003
Ex-stalker mails ex-body part to Flatulina!
Shrieks rang out when an unexpected delivery interrupted Flatulina's Christmas celebration in the royal palace of her relatives in Antarctica. Infamous film director Alan Smithee, Flatulina's estranged former beau-turned-stalker, attempted to express his devotion from afar to The Fabulous One by cutting off a part of his body and sending it via Antarctica's Husky Express messenger service. Exactly what body part it was has remained classified, but efforts are being made to increase security and replace the vacated position of body guard when Flatulina goes to her next tour stop, Lesbia. Flatulina fired her body guard previously for conspiring with Smithee in the abduction of Flatulina's singing fish, Lenny Kravitz.

October 2003
Lenny Kravitz abducted!
Lenny Kravitz, star singing fish on the Flatulina"Feel the Heat" tour was discovered to be missing out of his fish tank two days ago. A search is underway in Antarctica where the "Feel the Heat" tour is taking place. Tour dates were already postponed indefinitely following the bizarre incident which left fish trainer L'Monjello in a coma. Flatulina™ is trying to maintain her sunny outlook despite the tragedy which has plagued her tour. Regular updates are on Flatulina's online journal.

October 2003
Flatulina's fish trainer L'Monjello slips into coma...
Last night [10/9] Flatulina™'s fish expert friend L'Monjello was the victim of a yet undisclosed act of aggression as he was on the road with Flatulina's tour in Antarctica. More details will be released as they are made public on Flatulina's online journal. Please join with us in supporting Flatulina, Tootie, Flatulina™'s body guard, the fish choir, and all of the others involved in Flatulina's Feel the Heat tour.

September 2003
Read Flatulina™'s ONLINE JOURNAL!
The Fabulous One is keeping in touch with her fans from the road as her "Feel the Heat" tour takes her across the coast of Antarctica. As this news update is being posted, Flatulina's online journal is also accompanied by the online journals of Tootie Tull, Flatulina's good friend and road manager, and Alan Smithee, Flatulina's former boyfriend and current stalker. Fans may post messages to The Fabulous One, and as time permits she will respond to her adoring public.

August 2003
Flatulina™ being stalked by EX
The Fabulous One is being stalked by her ex-boyfriend Alan Smithee. Her publicist released the following statement: "Although Dr. Boutier always aims to end her romantic relationships with an amicable exchange, Mr. Alan Smithee is psychotic and was uncooperative in her attempts to break off their relationship." Mr. Smithee was last seen peering out of the living room window of his secluded castle where the curtains were tightly drawn. He was unwilling to make a public statement.

July 2003
F! Magazine special issue of The Fabulous One
F! Magazine is putting out a special Flatulina™ only issue of it's magazine this month. It contains 189 pages in full color glossy glory with reprinted interviews from Flatulina™'s career, a list of the Top 20 Flatulina™ moments on Frasier, and a discussion of Flatulina™'s best song of all time as voted by fans and fellow musicians. Expected retail price is $19.95.

June 2003
FlatchFest 2003!
Merchants, vendors, and fans all packed the rooms at Flatulina's FlatchFest 2003! Special guests were Hortense Faith, [Flatulina™'s frizzy haired, mustache wearing, lazy eyed, unibrow friend who can't speak clearly], J Crew, Vic Glick, and L'Monjello. People were swimming in the Flatulina™ memorabilia, going mad over the raffles and contests, and awestruck by the large projection screen of The Fabulous One. Overall, it was a huge success!

May 2003
Official "Feel the Heat" Tour Merchandise is available!
Those of us who are not able to fly to Antarctica to see one of The Fabulous One's shows are thrilled to announce that Official "Feel the Heat" tour merchandise is available stateside through CafeShops.com. Of course there are a lot of other great merchandise items available as well, but the "Feel the Heat" items are a limited supply.

April 2003
"Feel the Heat" Tour begins with a bang on the West coast of Antarctica.
Flatulina and her fish were warmly received by the tens of thousands of native Antarcticans who lined the streets of the capital city as she drove through in her limo. Her show was equally as appreciated by the chronically chilled community. When asked why she chose Antarctica as the locale for her shows, she thoughtfully replied, "They really need heat."

March 2003
Flatulina"Feel the Heat" Tour comes under fire!
The courts ruled against Flatulina™ in a heated debate over the air quality risks. It is with sad hearts that we must report that all tour dates which were previously schedule in the U.S. and Canada are now canceled. Ticket money will be refunded. In protest, Flatulina™ has made the decision to conduct the majority of her performances on the continent of Antarctica, her native land.

February 2003
Environmentalist groups up in arms over Flatulina tour.
The Fabulous One is surrounded in controversy as left wing environmentalists are lobbying to have her concerts banned in not only the continental United States, but the entire continent of North America. Fans and supporters held vigil while awaiting the courts ruling of whether the tour dates will be allowed in the United States and Canada.

January 2003
Flatulina™ is preparing to go on TOUR!
After her whirlwind success with the Christmas season, the Diva is not resting for long as she and her fish are diligently working to prepare for her "Feel the Heat" Tour which begins in April. So far her performances have been selling out as quickly as they become available, illustrating how Flatulina™'s popularity is gaining.

November 2002
Flatulina is getting some press!
Check out the stellar reviews of The Fabulous One on the following websites!
Poopreport.com
Christmasreviews.com

November 2002
Flatulina's Fabulous Holiday Spectacular is now available!
Many of us have waited quite some time for this day and it is finally here! The Fabulous One's debut CD is now available and you won't want to delay in getting yourself a copy as I'm sure they are going to go very quickly. Fanclub members can look forward to outtakes and additional video available in the fanclub members only area of this website. After hearing and seeing this project, I am only more convinced of the fabulousness of our darling diva. In the words of rock icon B.B. Barcus "There is no diva like Flatulina". Well said, B.B. Well said.

September 2002
New Photos of Flatulina
After the inexcusable server failure of last month, we have replaced all of the lost pictures from the sight with new images from Flatulina™’s upcoming CD. Those of you who downloaded photos from the image archives before the electrical glitch be sure to hold onto them as the archives will no longer be available on this site. However, we are all excited to see what our little Sassy Sister has been up to! We are even more excited than ever to get ahold of this much anticipated Holiday Spectacular!

August 2002
Modern Diva Magazine Features Flatulina
Modern Diva Magazine is recognizing The Fabulous One in an article and photo spread due out this month. We cannot wait to read what Flatulina™ has to say next. Be sure to run out and get your copy.
See the full article >>

July 2002
Official Denial of Pregnancy
Despite persistent rumors to the contrary, Flatulina™ Boutier is clearly stating that she is not pregnant with the baby of her long time boyfriend Alan Smithee. Dr. Boutier’s publicist released the following statement to the press, “I'm aware of reports stating that Flatulina™’s father confirmed her pregnancy, but this is impossible not only because of Flatulina™’s public commitment to chastity until marriage, but also because Alan Smithee is a eunuch.” Flatulina™’s father is Nigel Tufnel of the band Spinal Tap and is rumored to use drugs frequently.

June 2002
Coming Soon: Flatulina's Fabulous Holiday Spectacular! Debut Cd and Video
In a press release that seems too good to be true, The Fabulous One is working on her debut CD and video! Current title is “Flatulina™’s Fabulous Holiday Spectacular” and the tentative release is scheduled for November of this year. We can hardly wait!

May 2002
Former Monkey Encounters Senator Hillary Clinton
In a little publicized encounter, Flatulina™’s former monkey “Scott” had the opportunity to meet Senator Hillary Clinton as she toured the monkey farm at which he's lived since the “überdiva of the universe” pageant in 2000. Reports claim that the monkey took the opportunity to throw a large chunk of poo at the former first lady and hit her square in the face.
He died mysteriously a few days later. An investigation is underway to determine if there was foulplay.

March 2002
Standing Ovation at Academy Awards
The first glimpse of Flatulina™ prompted a spontaneous standing ovation at the Academy Award ceremony this year. Oscar buzz before the ceremony was that The Fabulous One would be attending, her first appearance since her incredible win in the early 90’s for her film score of the movie “Rochelle Rochelle”. Flatulina™ was caught off guard when she got up to go to the powder room, and nearby celebs caught wind of her presence. They unanimously showed their great affection for the Fabulous One by their loud applause.

February 2002
E! Channel in Antarctica Airing 72 Hour Flatulina™thon
Fanclub members in Antarctica will be excited to know that the E! Channel in Antarctica is airing a 72 hour Flatulina™thon! This will include footage of Flatulina inspired oil paintings by European artists, and heartfelt testimonials by Hollywood's A List in tribute to our Diva of All Things Fabulous.

January 2002
Flatulina is New Face of Middle America Journal of Flatomusicology
Off to the newsstands again! The lovely Flatulina™ is appropriately the face of the new magazine “Middle America Journal of Flatomusicology”. She is going to be outfitted in a mermaid costume and swimming in a tank of colorful saltwater fish. Reports state that they couldn't photograph the real fish choir as they have a fear of cameras.

December 2001
Flatulina™ Reigns Supreme in Squatney, England
Recent findings show that the Flatulina™ tattoo is by far the most popular image at the local tattoo parlors in Squatney, hometown of her father Nigel Tufnel of the band “Spinal Tap”. We are just waiting for that movement to come this side of the ocean so we can all partake of the fabulous trend stateside.

October 2001
The Next Tambourine Goddess?
After a 2 month vacation and extended time with family, Flatulina is gaining recognition again, but this time for her little publicized talent of tambourine playing. Tambourine Today Magazine named Flatulina™ as the greatest female tambourine player of all time second only to freckle faced Tracy Partridge.

July 2001
Flatulina Advising in Development of The Middle America Journal of Flatomusicology
The ever-motivated Flatulina™ is now serving as advisor in development of a new magazine entitled The Middle America Journal of Flatomusicology, which will be a quarterly publication. This magazine is being created in response to the growing interest in the field of flatomusicology after her pioneering work at the Boondy Conservatory. “It has caught on like wildfire,” says a Boondy representative, “almost as if you had ignited a natural gas as it was being powerfully released into the atmosphere.”

June 2001
Flatulina's Tiara Appearing in New Exhibit
Flatulina’s former tiara will be appearing in a new exhibit. The ruby encrusted crown worn by Dr. Boutier on her “Everyone Can Be Fabulous” campaign is currently on display in the International Glamour museum. She also recently graced the wings of Carnegie Hall as her father's band “Spinal Tap” launched their much awaited “Back from the Dead” tour.

May 2001
Graduating With Honors From Boondy Conservatory
Well fans, she's done it again. Dr. Boutier is graduating from the Boondy Conservatory this month with highest honors and a letter of congratulations from the President of the United States. She successfully created the field of flatomusicology, which in the words of the President “will only begin to show its true impact in our generation.”

April 2001
Celebrity 100 list of Superstar Weekly Magazine
Miss Flatulina Fontanelle Boutier has shown up on the Celebrity 100 list of Superstar Weekly Magazine. She ranks at number 12. Of course, we think she should have topped the list, but some magazines are less discriminating!

February 2001
Flatulina Wannabe Try Outs
The Flatulina™ Wannabe try outs yielded significantly more wannabes than anticipated. After a week of auditions of the more than 10,000 women [and men] who showed interest, the finalists were notified and will be making public appearances for various charity events.

January 2001
Flatulinalives.jpg Virus
Flatulina.jpg virus. Warning!! There is a very damaging computer virus circulating on the internet labeled as “Flatulina™lives.jpg”. Please do not open any e-mail you receive from an unknown sender with that attachment as it will cause your hard drive to emit rude noises randomly.

November 2000
Major Break Throughs With Fish Choir!
We are excited to announce major break throughs with the fish choir! They have successfully mastered one song and are slated to give a command performance for the Pope this Christmas in Rockefeller Center.

August 2000
Heading Into 2nd Year at Boondy Conservatory
Flatulina™ is heading into her 2nd year of work at the Boondy Conservatory where she is determined to overcome the loss she experienced this summer. She will set out to train an entire fish choir to sing in harmony with one another. We are all behind you in your noble work, Flatch! March on!!

July 2000
Tragedy Has Struck
Just as Flatulina™ was ready to perform in the talent phase of the “überdiva of the universe” pageant, an undisclosed
event occurred which resulted in the untimely death of Clementine, her first singing fish. Flatulina™ had rehearsed a duet with her singing fish for the pageant, and in addition to her tremendous emotional grief was unable to compete and was thus disqualified from the final phase of the pageant. We are all silenced by this loss.

June 2000
"Diva of the Universe” Pageant
Check your local TV listings for coverage of the “Überdiva of the Universe” pageant. Our darling Flatulina™ is going to compete. “I am simply interested in the scholarship, as the Boondy conservatory is quite expensive, and I've given much of my Maris money to charity.” We are all cheering for you, Flatch!

April 2000
Clementine the Wonderfish
We have just received the incredible news that The Fabulous One has broken through the musical/wildlife boundary. She has taught her first fish to sing! Clementine is a rare and exotic breed of wonderfish, and boasts an impressive 2 octave range, which in fish octaves is like 6 human octaves.

February 2000
Flatulina™’s Shoes Fetch Record Price
Flatulina™’s shoes fetch a record price in online sales. A recent auction on eBay by one of the larger collectors of celebrity items garnered an unprecedented $453,251 dollars for a pair of pink glittered pumps that Flatulina™ wore when she won her Oscar. Miss Boutier simply requested that part of the money go to the Chronic Hypergastrosplosia [CHG] charity she often promotes.

November 1999
Flatulina In Top 3 of 100 Most Fabulous Women of All Time!
World's most fabulous women revealed in a magazine poll. Flatulina™ is listed in the top 3 women in a poll of the 100 most fabulous women of all time in Diva Today Magazine. She takes 3rd after Mary Mother of Jesus, and Oprah.

October 1999
Bonnie St. Claire Severely Injured in Jiffy Pop Accident
Blaine, MO. The real Bonnie St. Claire, the person who inspired the character our Fabulous One so brilliantly portrayed in 1996’s hit movie “Waiting for Guffman”, was severely injured today in a bizarre Jiffy pop accident. She is in stable condition in the Blaine Memorial Hospital and is expected to be release in 2 days. Flatulina is planning to visit her tomorrow to lift her spirits and teach her about kitchen safety.

August 1999
Flatulina™ Auctioning Trademark Japanese Fan to Help Find Cure for CHG
Flatulina™ is auctioning one of her trademark Japanese fans for charity. This incredible piece of The Fabulous One's collection goes up for auction starting August 24th on eBay. All proceeds go to finding the cure for Chronic Hypergastrosplosia [CHG].

June 1999
Flatulina Accepted to Boondy Conservatory
Flatulina’s unquenchable fire for greater learning is still burning, as she has recently been accepted at the internationally famed and exceedingly exclusive Boondy Conservatory. She is intent on developing the field of “flatomusicology” which she defines as “the study of music created by bubbles”. You go Flatulina!

April 1999
Nominated for 2 MTV Antarctica Awards
The Fabulous One was nominated for 2 MTV Antarctica Awards this last week. She will fly there for the awards ceremony in May.

February 1999
Flatulina™ on the Cover of Divalicious! Magazine
Time to hit those newsstands again folks! This time look for Flatulina™ on the cover of Divalicious! Magazine. Inside is also a 10 page exposé on The Fabulous One, showing photos of her glorious home, and discussing her intellectual accomplishments, superlative style, and compassion for humanity.

November 1998
Fundraiser With Martha Stewart to Find Cure for CHG
Miss Boutier is enlisting the help of Martha Stewart in hosting the most fabulous of all fund raisers. All proceeds from the $5,000 a plate dinner will go to assist in research for finding the cure to CHG [Chronic Hypergastrosplosia].

August 1998
Flatulina in "Scuba Diva" Magazine
Everyone rush to your local newsstand. The Fabulous One is gracing the cover of this month's issue of “Scuba Diva” magazine.

July 1998
Flatulina Nominated in 3 Categories for Upcoming 1st Annual Ghetto Superstar Awards in Antarctica
More award nominations for The Fabulous One. Flatulina™ was nominated in 3 categories for the upcoming 1st Annual Ghetto Superstar awards in Antarctica. Awards will be announced at the end of this month.

June 1998
Win a Lifelike Oil on Velvet Portrait
Flatulina™ fans can win a lifelike oil on velvet portrait of Our Lady of Spectacularity, painted by Spanish artist Patricio Torro. To register, send your name and address on a 4X5 notecard to the fanclub address. Winner will be drawn 7/11/1998.

May 1998
Graduating From the A.S.S. Institute
Flatulina™ is graduating from the A. S. S. Institute with her Master's Degree in Music Technology. We are all eagerly awaiting her return to the celebrity life as we have certainly missed her in the media.

March 1998
Overseas as Good Will Ambassador to Antarctica
Miss Boutier is currently overseas as a good will ambassador to Antarctica. The President himself requested her expertise in the area of human relations, as the highly privatized tension between the US and the icy continent has continued to mount. Flatulina™ did not at first accept the commission due to her personal convictions about the Clinton Presidency, but later acquiesced for the greater good of our great nation, and because it coincided with her Spring Break.

February 1998
Crazed Stalker Penetrated Security at A.S.S. Institute
Breaking news recently reported that a crazed stalker penetrated security at the A. S. S. Institute where Flatulina™ is currently finishing up her Master's Thesis in underwater recording technology. He claimed that Flatulina™ was his wife and had promised she would be with him for their anniversary. Fortunately Flatulina™’s body guards were able to subdue him before he actually made any physical contact with The Fabulous One. Flatulina™ handled the matter with supreme coolness stating “I may be frail & pale on the outside, but I'm tough on the inside,” and didn't lose much time in going back to her work. The stalker who's name is being withheld from the public has been institutionalized until further legal matters can be settled. An A. S. S. Institute spokesperson has assured the press that increased security measures are being taken at the Key Biscayne tunnel entrance, and only registered students will be allowed to drive down to the facility.

January 1998
Departure From Frasier Show
It is to our great disappointment that Flatulina™ made the public statement today confirming her departure from the Frasier show. She stated that there are no ill feelings in the matter, she and the network are on amicable terms. She simply needed the freedom to be focused during her last semester of work at the A. S. S. Institute. Station representatives also issued the following statement, “Miss Boutier has truly been a shining beacon of what we all strive for in this industry, and we will certainly miss her. We wish her great success in her musical pursuits.”

December 1997
Flatulina Requested at Private Performance of Chris Gaines for British Royal Family
Flatulina™ was requested at the private performance that her dear friend Chris Gaines gave for the British Royal Family. At their bequest, she performed a duet of the song “Driftin’ Away” with Chris. Chris has confirmed that it was indeed Flatulina™’s dear friendship that inspired that song, which is known as his most truthful love song. Despite his long known infatuation with Flatulina™, she insists that they really are “just great friends”.

November 1997
World Famous Photographer “Armondo” Opened Exhibit at American Museum of Natural Women Featuring Flatulina™
World famous photographer “Armondo” has recently opened an exhibit at the American Museum of Natural Women. His photo series simply entitled “fabulous” is comprised of black and white photographs of The Fabulous One. Traffic to the exhibit has set records since the opening of the museum in 1976. The photos will be on display until next summer when
they will be moved to the private gallery of Sgt. Orville Pepper.

October 1997
Fabulous One Wins Third Emmy for Portrayal of Maris Crane on Frasier Show
We are elated to announce that our beloved Fabulous One has won her third Emmy for her brilliant portrayal of Maris Crane on the Frasier Show. For the 3rd year running she was voted “best non-speaking off-screen character”. Of course she accepted the award with her typical squeaks of delight and gracious flair and made mention of each of the other nominees in her acceptance speech. Congratulations Flatulina™!

August 1997
Official Launch of Flatulina™’s World Online!
Welcome! We are officially launching Flatulina™’s Fabulous World! This is a website for the thousands of people who have grown to adore Flatulina™ over the past several years and want to keep up with whatever she does next. All fanclub members will be automatically enrolled in the Flatulina™ e-mail list for updates and appearances. In order to commemorate this occasion, The Fabulous One has written us a note herself.

“Hello all of my sweet fans! I am so excited to finally have an official website. Please forgive the delays in its construction, as my mom always said 'creating fabulousness is like growing a rosebush.' Please enjoy this site and be good to your loved ones! Love and kisses to you all, Flatulina™”

As many of you devoted fans already know, Flatulina™ is currently living at the Atlantis Subaquatic Studies Institute, which is an underwater education facility off the coast of Miami. She is in her second year pursuing the development of underwater recording technology, and reports are that she has exceeded all expectations in her achievements.